Silence

I stand before the crowd screaming as loud as I can. My voice reverberates off their indifference like the greatest of all shields. Their backs turn, their phones are all they hear. I do not have a phone so I may not communicate as they wish me to. In all the great glory of technological marvel, the greatest disaster is silence to the love they swear they feel but do not wish to speak openly, only to the dead receiver that can’t truly transmit the feeling. We seek yet the means to say I love you from a distance and hope it is trusted, even as we lay beneath the sheets of another.

I see a hand raised in violence and shout that this should not be but silence is all that’s heard as she takes the blow without hope. She wishes for the one who can make it stop but closes her ears to the sound of real salvation. She yearns to leave the hurt but not the man. He may yet be saved from his eternal torture which he inflicts on others. Even unto her own damnation and destruction will she ever curse the hurt but never to one who inflicts it.

Silence is all that awaits me in the halls of care as I cannot find the means to unlock their indifference and make them hear. If even one voice shall respond then I shall not be alone. Can I find that one voice or due to the unfortunate face I bear, will I be forced to confront the hell of silence?

Perish the Dream of the Soul Contained

Hold a dream in the palm of your hand. Digits close quickly – strongly- trying to hold on tight. The dream changes shape; loses its appeal; as the streams slip through your fingers. It pulls at your heart; this travesty at a dream lost for attempting to crush it close.

Hold a dream in the palm of your hand. It lives, it breathes, as it stays of its own accord and you feel majestic as this dream’s choice. It builds, it grows, in the freedom from being captured but fulfilling its purpose upon the choice to stay.

Simple is the idea that a living thing, in whatever form, brings greater beauty in its freedom to leave but staying because that’s where it wants to be. Expectation, obligation and control; these crush the spirit of the living. Choice, desire and hope; these bring the spirit alive and bring the best out of the living.

Fear of loss is a gripping power; terrible in its embrace. To covet something as, “mine,” absorbs the beauty and keeps it contained, unseen. Anger at the threat of loss turns beauty dull as it tries to blend in – hide.

Acknowledgement is a form of freedom. All of the living wish to be seen in its freedom and hear from those living in its presence. To gaze on the treasure of its beauty but to hold opinion back is another trap to kill the beauty. Even an unkind opinion is still valuable for it allows for growth. To hold back the opportunity for growth is control and limits the beauty that could be.

Comments should always be welcome. It is simply the desire to reach out hands to control the beauty of the living that should be reined in.

Be well, every valuable soul that dreams freely. This means all of you.

Striving For Greater Value

To remain happy with displaying the animal sides of our natures is; in essence; denying our very humanity. It diminishes the value of the treasure to be obtained to force a woman to give of herself instead of seeking the greater reward of her free choice. I know; having been a male all my life; how hard it is to deny our animal instincts but it is this very fight; so our human minds may seek the greater treasures that await; that makes the fight worth it.

We; as human men; though it’d be easier to give into our instinctual impulses; need this fight because it makes us better men. Human men have always sought out the greatest challenges; to build, to destroy and to conquer. The greatest battle to be fought is the one against our own natures.

When we can rise above the animal; control it; and let our rational mind greater sway, we open endless possibilities because that which we seek most in this world – women – will become something more than the appeasement of a moment’s carnal delight. They become jewels, more precious than diamonds. They become wealth, greater than all the gold on the planet.

This is in response to a recent story concerning several young men forcing themselves on one young woman. The consequences to the young men will be serious but the consequences to that one young woman will be devastating for years; until she finds her value again as someone greater than a few young men’s plaything. She’s a human woman and this alone makes her worth more than all the wealth available.

We; as men; also need to hold ourselves to higher standards and say; “Our lives as free men; for the whole of our lives; are worth more than throwing it all away to appease a momentary desire.” If the woman you seek is worth throwing your life away for then, by all means, let her know the proper way so she may decide if you’re her knight. If the individual woman is only worth a few minutes of your time then value the human being and let her live as she chooses.

This isn’t about denying ourselves anything but giving ourselves a chance at something greater than giving into momentary lapses of control that could see us throwing years of our lives away and; worst of all; damaging a human woman whose only crime was; SHE WAS THERE.

We’re no longer cavemen. We’re no longer barbarians. We have the ability to be greater than that. We have the ability to say; “We’ve grown into HUMAN men and seek the greater experiences that come from balancing emotion with controlled rational thought.”

To all women who’ve experienced this pain or not; YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN PLAYTHINGS. Your free choice in the greatest treasure available.

To all men who’ve fought the battle and attained your woman’s free choice; Congratulations!

The Empty Struggle

Pain is such a constant friend numbness sets in; apathy. Reaching out, the hand comes back fast for the slap of indifference. Even those of close association turn their eyes away for the inability to see the pain that inspires the song. It requires the effort, the caring, to look for it. The one in pain is bound by the tightest need to remain silent and simply hope, the one needed will see them someday.

The pain is a weight that makes caring if life continues a thin string to dangle from. The one in pain holds onto that string but can’t bring the enthusiasm to care if the string breaks. The heart is broken to the empty eyes that ignore how fragile that hold is. There are reasons the pained one continues to dangle from that string and not let go; though the string cuts into the flesh to provide fresh pain, as the minutes turn to hours, the hours into days and the days into numbing years.

This titanic struggle continues to elude the understanding and hope slowly fades as a new cry goes unheard though others sit but a few feet away.

A Simple Wish Granted

My world was rocked as she stepped through the door. Long trim legs – kick ass seat – swaying to and fro. What caught me out like a clean right hook were the tears that spoke…

Pain – like the moment of insane memory

Pain – like being told you don’t make the grade

Pain – like you’re sweetest love left with him

Pain – like the heart will break on a dime

It caught me such a blow, I was frozen as she passed. With heart feeling heavy, I walked out to try. She’s gone and I can’t help the burden dragging on my soul. Such was my hope that I’d find her again to heal the hole she left in this world without her smile.

It made me feel…

Pain – like the moment of insane memory

Pain – like being told you don’t make the grade

Pain – like you’re sweetest love left with him

Pain – like the heart will break on a dime

This chance encounter pulled at me for a three week stint. Then out of the blue we’re returned to the point when I’m granted a second try. As she passes, I swallow my fear and say; “Hi.” With hesitant voice she responds in kind.

I ask, “How are you?” She sees the genuine interest but the source has much to be desired. “I’m okay. Thank you.” She turns to leave and I’m about to be left hanging in…

Pain – like the moment of insane memory

Pain – like being told you don’t make the grade

Pain – like you’re sweetest love left with him

Pain – like the heart will break on a dime

I hung my head for the promised ritual I knew by heart. To watch as she took her pain to the next in line to add more. I couldn’t speak for the lump of pain that caused the throat to constrict.

She turns back for a smile and I let her go as my wish was granted.

The Social Media Shield

Shielding the ability to make assumptions through the use of the computer is an injustice. Social media provides a glimpse into people but in no way provides a complete picture. Yet the idea we can make decisions of absolute certainty about people based on the small glimpse through the shield of the computer is; in essence; denying the humanity of people.

A man may genuinely be a soft soul; who’d never harm anything; yet makes one statement to this very core of who he is and it gets assumed he’s hunting for carnal delights. This isn’t to say; he’d turn it down; but this is a man who easily respects others and doesn’t get unreasonably upset when interest isn’t returned.

A woman may be genuinely interested in subjects that historically are predominately male and express her opinion in this arena. This shouldn’t be a call to arms to defend the male cave; especially if she knows what she’s talking about.

When we allow ourselves to respond unreasonably to a moment’s strong emotion, we make of ourselves victims of assumptions that do harm; mostly to ourselves. We may push away those who’d be the best in our lives for the sake of a momentary, emotional belief; this is unusual so might be trouble. Trouble is nowhere in the vicinity of the mind of the speaker yet the wall of difference that slams up between keeps understanding away.

It is our willingness to take a moment, let the emotion settle and let reason reign that allows us the opportunity to connect to those who could be the best our lives come into contact with. They may be different from the normal but that could be the very thing your own life needs to find real fulfillment.

It the interest of fairness there is the potential that real harm exists but to lay a generalization that; where one person in a particular group may be interested in causing harm, it colors the opinions of the rest is unreasonable. Blinding ourselves with generalizations and not be willing to gauge on an individual basis may have the consequence of chasing away the good and inviting the bad free reign in your life.

Stand in gale, holding on for dear life. The first to offer a hand of assistance is the man you’ve spent years assuming is a terrible soul. The second is the man you don’t know but assumed was the gentlest of people. As the gale intensifies and threatens to blow you into the sea, it is the man with the sour look on his face who finds the will to fight for you. The other turns and looks to himself.

This; in itself; is a small glimpse and people change through experience. The one who was good was confronted with a real threat and balked. The one who was sour may’ve become this person through lifelong experience with others assuming bad things but found his heart to try when tested. In the end a life was saved in the face of wrong assumptions.

The next scenario involves a man who needs help but with something unique. In order for this man to find the help he needs, he must remain silent. The answer to his trouble will come from the one who has the desire and willingness to understand he is hurt and not the uncaring soul everyone assumes he is. This is a man who needs something he cannot seek out but simply hope relief will come from one who finds him important enough to pay attention to.

In the end we can only do the best we can but that is, the question I must ask; are we doing the best we can or allowing ourselves to be complacent and allow the pain of assumptions to continue?

Motivation to open one’s mouth vs. intent to cause harm

There’s a blurred line that’s getting wider by the day between the need to call someone out for committing harm just for the crime of opening their mouth to express an opinion. The freedom of speech was made into to a right for the purpose of protecting a person’s right to say unpopular things. If it was only popular speech that’s allowed we wouldn’t need the constitutional right. Our society is getting too far away from the demand that people grow thicker skins against the words people say. It’s only the actions taken we have a right to judge. This is not to say I agree with what comes out of some people’s mouths but I do respect their right to say it. If I don’t want to hear it, I have the right to walk away.

This being said; I do think a few topics can be looked at from the perspective; speech equtes to action. I don’t think we need to throw people into the snake pit but some aggressive counseling might be needed. I read recently about a female public figure taking heat over social media because she was supporting something important to her. The verbal abuse she took was unwarranted and the speech aimmed at her terrifying. I do not belittle the emotions she experienced but I read, she intends to seek legal action without determining if the words thrown were accompanied by evidence that action was to follow.

We’ve gone backwards as a society if we’re allowed to take action against someone just because we were frightened for a moment by the words they say. We can’t have it both ways. If we say a person has a right to speak, whatever comes out of their mouths; then we can’t become unreasonably responsive just because we don’t like what they have to say. We simply need to be aware if the speech has a serious potential to become action.

I also question the motives of several public figures when they race to the defense of someone who was the target of unfriendly words. Many seek the podium to express on air, their outrage, and demand a person’s life be ripped apart because they said a word. When does the soapbox drama end for the sake of someone’s ability to keep their name in the spotlight vs. the person they seek to victimize because that person expressed their opinion?

It is a sad truth that many of our greatest social issues are kept in the spotlight by those who can’t stand the idea of returning to mediocrity if the issue were allowed to die a natural death by being put on the back burner where it should be. We need to change the focus of importance. We wouldn’t need a library full of laws if we could put things into proper perspective.

It isn’t as important to break people down to subsets then write a mountain of laws to protect each subset. We just need to change how we view the basic laws. Murder is murder regardless of who was killed. How it was done is important for the technicalities of the law and for those whose job it is to determine penalty. The why, is also important for the same reasons. What we don’t need is a thousand people coming out and saying it was worse because the victim was part of a particular subset and the perpetrator another. One person killed another. It doesn’t get worse than that.

Our need to overdramatize kills the very foundation of what the law is meant to do. The law is meant to break things down to the logical and keep emotion out of it. Emotion is what leads to false imprisonment. Emotion leads to people being punished to a greater or lesser degree than the crime warrants. Then there’s the whole concept of punishing people for taking advantage of a right and calling it a crime.

Two people expressing opposing opinions is healthy. The only time it becomes worrisome is one one side or the other is prepared to use a battering ram to run their opinion down the other’ s throat until they change their minds. The process of friendly debate keeps our society running but when someone isn’t willing to say; “It’s possible my opponent is right and it’s possible I’m wrong,” then it has the potential to turn from words into action.

Keep on believing in what’s important to you. Talk about it in an uplifting way to help others see its merits. Credibility in arguments is lost the moment too much emotion is allowed to infect the words. Emotion is a great motivator or a brace to hold you up but it can be a wall you run into at full speed the moment you let it out of your control.

Be wise, speak your minds to your hearts content and chill out about the words people use. The emotions built, to cry foul at the words, may blind you to the real problem coming right behind them.

C’mon Guys!!!

In response to recent events in the news, I have to say; “C’Mon Guys!”

To be fair it must be said; when men post photos of women it’s their way of showing their appreciation. This is understood. But when did we decide respect doesn’t matter? Fighting against the blood flow when it travels south is rough; I know. The fight is worth it for the sake of basic respect. I’ve yet to run into many girls that don’t appreciate being appreciated for how they look. I’ve also yet to run into many women who take it well to have nude photos posted without the RESPECT of asking. To take pictures of unconcious women and share them with others is RAPE gentlemen.

I say; post all the pictures you want, if the girl has been asked; then granted permission. There’s nothing wrong with this; regardless of stuffy, old-fashioned opinions. If we’ve made the choice women are free to make there own choices then we can’t complain just because they choose to go against the norm.

I also say; it’s worth it to fight against the “STUPID” that affects us mortal men and think about showing the respect women deserve. Your lives will be better for it. We’ve come too far as humans to keep getting caught by the animal side of our natures.

It’s very hard to be a man who shows respect for women and keep running into the wall of distrust built because of idiotiotic behavior. I understand it’s hard to fight the spur of the moment decision but you need to ask yourselves; are the consequences truly worth it, when you take what you think is a simple picture and share with your friends, and it lands you in jail?

Her voice on the subject needs; and deserves; to be heard!!!

She Comes

Wrapped in a, silken canvas; of peaches and cream, she comes. Looking upon this vision creates the, physical response; for sure; but I look deeper and see the rapture she feels, to be herself; bared for the world as she knows who she is. Can heaven provide a better portrait than the woman who knows herself and with the smallest wiggle tear down kingdoms? I think not but the man who takes exception to this beauty is a fool; for the woman kept down in pain and fear is but a weapon waiting to strike; when fear turns desperate and desperation becomes courage. A forge from which the great shine forth and the steel of her soul is written.

Wrapped in the, steel gauntlet; of pain turned to purpose, she comes. Looking upon this vision takes the, truly brave man; but for the one who can take it, life has a sweeter taste; as the woman with the steel, to be herself; and choose, leaves the man willing to face her departure; and see her choose to stay, forges the greater bond. Weak is the man who can’t bear to, risk the loss. Strong is the man who faces this demon and wins the true heart of a free woman.

Wrapped in the, glory of freedom; strong and sure, she comes. Looking upon this vision brings the hope, of a truly balanced world; when all the world’s sons and daughters; of whatever color graces their exteriors; can look upon one another without the need to say, “I’m better than you.” When this days comes; if it ever does; shall the world be ready to look to the stars, for more grand adventure; and find friends of a different nature.

Live strong but kind as we each deserve to, do this favor for ourselves.

Look upon the world with fresh eyes and say, “I need to take care of you because without you, I wouldn’t be here.”

 

My Hidden Path to Power

Hello to all you readers out there;

My name is Deana Boller. I’d love it; if all those who enjoy stories of those overcoming great tragedies would read my tale. My great nemesis, Ryan Gilpatrick, brings to my life more terror and pain than I’d ever thought, I could endure. As a genius, he starts by using science but discovers magic and uses this; to cause me more pain.

I begin to find recovery when I meet Doriane Lavoie; the mystic I turn to for help when I finally reach the decision to fight back. Through finding my teacher, I find more than I ever hoped for; as she instructs me in magic, love and strength.

The Hidden Paths to Power cover